There is a different kind of hurt that comes from feeling alone while surrounded by people who say they love you.

You check on everybody.

You ask if they are okay.

You show up when they need something.

You listen when they are going through it.

But when you are the one struggling, the phone gets quiet.

Nobody asks how you are doing.

Nobody notices that you are tired.

Nobody sees that you are barely holding yourself together.

And sometimes the hardest part is realizing that family can show up stronger for friends than they do for each other.

That hurts.

So does finding out that people can smile in your face, listen to your personal struggles, and then turn around and talk about you.

They know what your family is dealing with.

They know what you have been carrying.

They know what you trusted them with.

And somehow your pain becomes something for them to discuss.

Then they come back around acting like they care.

That is not love to me.
That is not support.
That is not a safe place.

I had to learn that everybody who says they love you does not know how to love you well.

And everybody close to you is not for you.

When God Became My Only Place to Lean

There were times when I felt like I was standing by myself with nobody but God to lean on.

Looking back, I understand that season differently now.

God was showing me where I had been depending too much on people.

He was showing me who I could trust.

He was also removing me from rooms where people were speaking on my name when I was not there to hear it.

Some doors closing hurt.

Some relationships changing hurt.

But I stopped chasing explanations.

I started paying attention.

And I started depending on God in a way I had never done before.

When “Thank You, Lord” Was All I Had

There were days when depression sank in so deep that getting out of bed felt like too much.

On those mornings, sometimes all I could do was roll over and say,

“Thank you, Lord.”

That was it.

I did not have a long prayer.

I did not have the right words.

I just thanked Him.

There were evenings when I was cooking while mentally exhausted.

My body was moving, but my mind was tired.

I would sing praises while tears ran down my face.

And through the tears, I would still say,

“Thank you, Lord.”

Not because everything was okay.

It wasn’t.

I thanked Him because I was still here.

I thanked Him because He was still carrying me.

Pouring Back Into Myself

And little by little, I started pouring back into myself too.

I picked up my journal.

I started writing down what I was carrying instead of keeping everything bottled up.

I used affirmations to remind myself of what I knew but sometimes forgot.

I made time for my self-love routines.

Nothing fancy.

I stopped expecting people to give me what they had already shown me they were not able or willing to give.

That changed a lot for me.

I still believe in love.

I still believe in family.

I still believe in showing up for people.

“But I also learned that I cannot keep emptying myself trying to be everybody else’s lifeline while I am drowning.”

Sometimes Survival Looks Simple

Sometimes you have to turn inward.

Sometimes you have to get quiet.

Sometimes you have to let God show you who belongs close to you and who does not.

And sometimes surviving looks very simple.

If You Are Slowly Drowning, This Is for You

You do not have to pretend you are fine.

Start with today.

Talk to God.

Write it down.

Take care of yourself in one small way.

Pay attention to who shows up and who only shows up when they need something.

And stop ignoring what people have already shown you.

You may feel alone right now.

But you are not without help.

Sometimes the lifeline you keep looking for in other people is the same one God is teaching you to find in Him and within yourself.

Keep going.

One day at a time.